If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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