wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
