so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
