He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
bring money and cleavage
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
