you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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