he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize