she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
