The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
