Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
