Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
