Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
why is half of my head shaved?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
