whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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