You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
