Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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