My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
