I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
