what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
