I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
