Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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