Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
