Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
