The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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