I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
