why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i've created a new STD.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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