Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
