Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just googled if crying burns calories
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
