bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
