Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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