hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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