It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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