my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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