and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
