It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
