i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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