i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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