yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
