I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Randomize
