I just pynch a tree in the face
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
