Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
