I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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