His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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