did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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