did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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