what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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