You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦‍♀️
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
