So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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