This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
