god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
