Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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