My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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