He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
