I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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