shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
