Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
