I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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