if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have demons in me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
