As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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