I accidentally had phone sex last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
