I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
