Three words: puerto rican gang bang
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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