Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
