how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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