Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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