Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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