Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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