He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
