I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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