She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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