That's intense
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
