there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
