Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
