yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
