The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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