I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
