I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
