I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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