Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
