Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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