Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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