You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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