Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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